reflections

is the only way to be truly happy- to do the right thing?

intellect is rewarding, but not when its chip on your shoulder, more so when its a pocket watch, so that when asked, you can promptly em show the time.

more comin as they flip up my mind

june 10
lifes a stage, characters come and go, friendships happen, wilt away, love happens, heartbreaks occur. parents become friends, and then dependents. spouses enter. kids ensue. but if there is one constant in your life.. its siblings. you grow with them, they see the kid become a boy, and the boy become a man. even as you evolve and become a complex contorted adult.. they know the choices you made, and the prejudices that developed. the successes and failures in life and relationships that make you the middle aged adult. in this ever evolving revoluting scene of life, if there is one constant companion, one denominator, its your brothers n sisters. although friends last long and become almost as close as a sibling, there never can be a parallel to the person who saw you go through your first day at school, or saw you get over your first heartbreak. and then i wonder.. how immature are those who let squabbles and property come between this.

june 18th
among various things that go into making you an adult... i think theres one thing about tragedies n bein able to cope up with em. you are more of an adult when you dont let tragedies stop you or loose focus. apparently the more tragedies you see, n i dont mean just personal.. the more you develop an insight in human behaviour, and the fragility of circumstance and soul. i almost wonder that, the more hurt you endure, the older you become.

june 23rd
the only thing more painful than learning from experience is not learning from experience.. archibald something

june 28th
people tend to form friends and admire people usually depending on one defining quality. ofcourse every person has multiple qualities. but its usually one important attribute that clinches the deal.
i realised this when i observed that i have the weirdest variety of close friends.. from the absolut geeks, nerds.. to th meanest bullies, from tee-totallers n idealists to guys who think drinking means gettin sloshed and all rules are only made so that you can break them.so basically i tried to find out what was "the one thing" common to all of em.
initially i thought i was a hypocrite, a chameleon with no standards of my own. i thought highly of people who chose their company in accordance to certain defined norms.
ultimately i realised that all i look for is loyalty and honesty. if i see that in a person, i think i am cool with him.
if you are reading this, i am happy. and i would also like you to think, and tell me.. whats the gold you dig for in a person? which is the one thing that makes you call someone a friend?

july 17th YE Pyar kiss chidiya ka naam hai?
i am very much a analytical man. so analytical that what i do in my mind is analyse my own emotions even as they rise. this makes me a sort of less emotional man. but it doesnt make me any less prone to commiting emotional stupidities. wierd but true. sometimes i even curse myself for never really fallin in love, like some rare friends i ve seen.. people who were so much in want of one another that they made tough choices. choices made by the heart, not the brain. most of the time, i make choices with my reasons, and not against them.
and now here i am, in a lucky vacation in time.. where i am allowed to live my life. and to sit and ramble. i realise why some people are incapable of falling in love.
they are constantly analysing their position. they arent spending much time in feeling anything. they are just spending time as regards how far they have gone, what kinda image have they created so far, how well have they understood the enemy (counterpart rather), what kindda control can they now exert,how to improve their control.. is this the deal they want, if this is the deal they want how can they seal it.. if this isnt the deal they want how can they get out of it without much drama or harm.
what makes them act this way? sometimes i just blame this on the mumbaikar attitude.. get everything done fast, dont rely on anyone, dont be ashamed of being yourself, enjoy life(always have a smile on your face). but then why dont all mumbaikars suffer from "unable-to-fall-in-love" syndrome.
at one end is human specimens that have conclusively proven that love is just an emotion coated form of lust justified by the projected aim of happiness and begetting a family..n lots of times the projected aim shifts focus to another target.. sometimes after rehearsals..
while at the other end of the spectrum are hot blooded heroes who have made great sacrifices, fought personal battles n made absolut polar ends meet.. AND still managed to come up victorious in the name of love.
and then th last piece of wood to this fire of argument.. which is the real world? the one that is in our mind.. with perceptions, emotions and feelings and beliefs about every single thing we sense? a brick is a brick in YOUR mind, in your perception.
or the real world composed of matter and energy. with no inherent emotional value. a vast machine with independent chunks of biological machines of plasma.. that function on easily identifiable norms and motives.


july 22
i realised a couple of days ago that when i blog, i just state the obvious. its nothing out of the box really. obviously i began to wonder, why the hell do i blog then? thats when i realised i blog for myself. i like the thoughts that come to my mind. and considering the sheer volume of new thoughts and ideas that forever keep coming, this is one way i keep to preserve them. this is how i keep myself from forgettin em.

sep 5
is it just me or do all the people who've been smart asses in school dont particularly cherish teachers day?
i am grateful for what i have been taught. but THAT is grossly restricted to few who truly made a difference. to me, ever since i was a kid, reading out loud from a textbook didnt equate with teaching.. which is why most professional teachers dont like me.. needless to say, thats very mutual.
and then theres people who showed me something i couldnt see.. like helped me understand a concept or demonstrate a technique.. or simply realise what a statement truly means.. understand what lies between the lines..thinkin of those few people, makes me smile, regardless of where i am.
and i suppose there is also an element of dignity. a dignity awarded by a teacher to s student, in lieu of his will to learn. the teachers i liked most have been associated with that, a desire to teach, to impart knowledge, to reward an amateur curiosity with the insight of their experience. after all thats all there is to life, isnt it? to learn to talk, to stand, to spell, to understand, and even to enjoy.
so heres cherishing the phenomenon of teaching.. very much all that living is all about. cheers!

jan1
what is worse?
givin someone up cuz you think you might not be good enough.. only to realise later that you were?
or rejection.. being told to your face you are not good enough, even if only subtly?
they say sometimes.. doing somethin is worse than doin nothing.
but then,how would we really know.. how to choose?

march 19
as kids, we are polished new pennies. minds who believe in conscience. people who want to do all the good they can do. naive.
and then we live. we learn that being good to everyone is not possible. and that we might put our 'self' on the back burner, but eventually, people take you for granted. people take unfair advantage of you. people demand sacrifices. people become ungrateful. you love people, and they take bites of you, they undermine your self worth. and worst is when they use you to beget something.
is it a battle of minds then? is it about intellect? in third person we despise and mock someone who gets used. and we cringe when we are played into the part of a fool. and from this arise bitterness, and bile of hate so vile, it burns up your throat in frustration. the penny that was once shiny and clean, gets tarnished, hammered and passed on.and you just loose your shine in these transactions of life.

march 26
now this is gonna sound weird and misanthropic n what not.
whatever new pleasures there are to experience,
whatever adventures there are to try..
whatever skills there are to acquire,
whatever new there is to do,
you exhaust all that by 42
and after that, day in and day out,
lifes predictable.. no questions no doubt
people say having kids changes everything,
it keeps you interested in living.
i am not too sure on that. seriously,
apart from 20-25% people whose lives can be described as exciting,
is there anything but responsibilities that keeps 40 year old living?
and if it does,whats the whole point!?!

may 17
a good teacher is one who can learn from his students.

JAN2
sometimes a person abuses himself because he is tired of the abuse he has been taking from the hands of others.
sometimes a person doesnt react, he absorbs and redirects. even without understanding it himself.
and then the person wonders why others dont see him the way he sees himself. why he lacks the control mechanisms to avoid self destructive actions.
and in sum total of this all, you get, what they call, a regular adult person.

july 5, 12 we should realise that some people deserve love and respect. we should never let anger and frustration allow us to take this relation for granted. similarly, we should remember that showering respect on undeserving people ends up in causing hurt to ourself. so, its better to be curt and show them their place, rather than trusting them reactionary to a momment of goodness.

aug 15
ahalf the things being sold today make their buck targetting insecure people. selling them dreams of a virtuality. but the fact is the sooner you are comfortable living in your own skin, the happier you are gonna be

sept 14
do not try to evaluate or judge an act done for you out of emotion.
and do not EVER describe or ascribe material value to things you do for family. the minute a gift is described by its worth, it looses its value entirely. and this.. extends to actions and sacrifices as well.