Sunday, August 9, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
when i grew up, i was crazy about pets.. especially dogs!
i felt 'm good at making friends with animals.. any damn dog, however gruesome, i'd pet it in no time. i sometimes had a narcisst feeling about this, i imagined that dogs had an innate sixth sense to judge a mans morality.. that dogs were friendly to good people.
passionately.. i read books on training dogs, dog-story novels n saw many dog movies. my dad even let me get a mongrel- a dog with a pedigreed alsatian mom called julie n dubious paternity. i relished every momment of bringing my dog up.. from mornin jogs and immunisation and bathing the dog to pickin up his poo from near our door and mending destroyed furniture. definitely some happy great memmories and great times together. the hilt was naming the dog buck, yeah, vide call of the wild. some years later the dog met with a fatal accident and i had the honour of buryin him. my love for dogs was still unquenched, and i remained a true blue canine fan.
however, unknowningly, of late, i dont love dogs.. n dont care about pettin those handsome creatures. the more world i see, the less has my liking for dogs become.
dogs love unconditionally. a dog loves you regardless of what you are. and now, i have begun to detest this. i have begun to believe that unconditional love is unworthy of appraisal. if i want to be loved, it should be for what i am, not regardless of what i am. this is not really an ego trip. i know i am a contorted twisted wierdo, and with ugly shades of my own.. not unlike any other meanie you'd find in a slum. but thats me. i dont want someone to wag his tail cuz he eats out of my hand and stays under my shelter.
probably, a honest hate and contempt is worthier than unjustified, blind or faked love.